Discovering God's Calling in Parenting a Young Adult
Opening Prayer
|
May you be filled with the knowledge of God’s will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding. May you be strengthened with all power according to God’s might, all endurance, all patience, and all joy, giving thanks to God, who is the source of all that is good. Amen.
|
Scripture Theme
|
It is the LORD who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not leave you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)
|
Introduction
|
Congratulations! Your son or daughter is “launching” off to college, or into the work world, or to the military, or . . . what? So how can you help them (and yourself) be ready for the challenging times ahead? You may have heard horror stories about kids who have “lost their faith” or made serious mistakes as they enter this season in life. You may have been one of them once a long time ago. But how do we equip our children for this important stage of life? How can you help your child launch successfully into young adulthood? And how is your call from God as a parents shifting?
In her article Finding Your Place as a Parent of Adult Children Kim Sullivan writes, You’ve bathed them, changed their diapers, stayed up sleepless nights, and taken care of their every need. Then one day, you’re expected to completely let go. They declare, even demand, total independence. Even if a parent has gradually prepared their child to live independent and successful lives, often we feel abandoned, depressed, and disoriented when our nest empties. . . . It’s not the end of parenting, but the beginning of a new season. Parenting adult children is only a new season, just like the toddler season, the “why” season, and the rebellious teen years. Some of your most exciting days are ahead! It’s true. It’s a new season of parenting, and a new season of calling. So, what is your call at this stage? That’s the focus of this reflection. As you have likely learned by now, each stage of your child’s life has meant not just an adjustment to your parenting strategies and approaches, but a realignment of your vocational call as parent. Let’s explore what that realignment might be now. At certain times in your life you may have carried the assumption that God calls you once, for just one purpose. Don’t miss the call, or you might spend the remainder of your days in meaningless mediocrity. In reality, it is safe to say that God calls us many times throughout the seasons of our lives, and each call challenges us to stretch further than we might have anticipated or imagined. So, congratulations! Your teenager has become a young adult, and whether moving out or not, he or she is certainly ready to ‘launch’ into the world, and thus your call in parenting has shifted again. And, like previous stages, as you respond to this call your young adult will teach you things about life and God and faith that you will grow to treasure. Place your trust in God, say ‘yes’ to the call as best you can, and give it your all. What’s Changing?In his book Managing Transitions, William Bridges writes that transitions always start with an ending. Seems odd, yes, but he maintains that the first step toward a life change is identifying what you are losing and learning how to manage the losses. As your child launches, it may make you feel sad and lonely, mixed with a healthy dose of anxiety. Normal . . . but pay attention to those feelings, as they are indicators of a life change. Consider Take a look at Kelsi Kellen’s article “Parenting Transitions: Dealing with the Empty Nest” (http://bit.ly/2IskNcR). She offer four helpful ideas to those who are “struggling to say goodbye with a smile.”
Write and/or Discuss Jots some notes or share with others your responses to these questions:
Reflect As your calling in parenthood shifts, and you embrace the changes in your child, in yourself, and in your family, reflect on . . .
All these wonderments and anxieties are normal. It’s part of the shifting process. Acknowledge them and recognize that God is present in them. And pray for trust that God will re-mold you into the authentic parent that your child needs and deserves. Take Heart Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6) |
What's Emerging in My Life?
|
Let’s consider what might be emerging in your life as a result of these changes. As we do so, let us remember a few things that others have discovered about God’s callings in their lives. We can say that responding to God’s call will
likely . . .
Consider Let’s focus on the third bullet point: not be easy, but certainly possible. Discerning God’s call at this stage of parenting and family life is challenging for both you and your young adult child. And to some degree, the success of one is intertwined with the success of the other. Yet God has a purpose in mind, at this point in time, for both of you, albeit, likely a separate purpose for each of you. And perhaps therein lies the rub. In her article Finding Your Place as a Parent of Adult Children Kim Sullivan writes, There is life after full-time parenting! Sometimes this includes new goals and dreams and visions that you had unselfishly put aside. I remember feeling like my life was over once I finished homeschooling my last child. I had immersed myself in my role for many years, and it took some time for me to realize I still had much to offer in the Lord's service. God still has big things for you to do! Your path has returned you to an intersection of opportunities, and crossroads are often where the greatest things happen! Your role in life cannot define you, only God says who you are. You belong to God and are called for God’s purpose. Romans 8:28, "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." You are called to be a child for God’s purpose. You are called to be a student for God’s purpose. You are called to be a spouse for God’s purpose. You are called to be a parent for God’s purpose. Whatever stage or role in life that you find yourself in, you are called to God’s purpose. God still has great purpose for you apart from parenthood, but also in this new season of parenting adults. Rely on God to know when to speak, when to stay silent. When to help, when to allow consequences to teach lessons louder than our words. After all, God cares about your kids even more than you do! Write and/or Discuss Discerning and responding to God’s call comes down to alignment. Here are three questions that require some deep thought and reflection:
Take Heart And what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God (Micah 6:8)? |
How Should I Live?
|
Now we seek to turn the corner and fully embrace the call. We seek to develop fruitful patterns of behavior and action that bring fulfillment and grace to you, your young adult, and the family as a whole.
Watch Take a look at the short video by author Andy Crouch, “Andy Crouch on Parenting Young Adults." He reflects on the changing tempo of parenting young adults. Write and/or Discuss
Consider
In her article “Top questions to ask college students before they head to school” (https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/ blog/questions-college-students), Kara Powell points to research that shows the incredible importance of the first two weeks in college. During these crucial first fourteen days, students make key decisions about sex, drinking, and other high-risk behaviors as well as about allegiance with a local church or on-campus ministry. Young adults make decisions during those two weeks that can set them on a trajectory that may last the rest of their college experience. Click on the link and read the short article. Write and/or Discuss
Consider Here are links to helpful practices and strategies for responding to the call of parenting a young adult.
Take Heart Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect (Romans 12:2). |
